good life

denial. anger. bargaining. acception.
there's no reason for me to look at this, but it kind of pertains to my life right now.
denial: i'm in a rut, i know it. but i can't accept it. there's this nagging feeling in the back of my head that there's something wrong with me, but i can't ever come out with it.
anger: i'm angry at the wrong things, and at the wrong people. mostly the people that are the closest to me. what i used to pride myself in: my patience and kind disposition, it's gone. yes, i'm still me, but who am i?
bargaining: i'll trade this for that. i'll take yours if you take what i have. usually i deal things and i cheat people. but why am i doing this? am i who i wanted to become?
acception: i am not who i wanted to become. maybe certain aspects, but i didn't know life to be like this.


i didn't know that one day certain songs are going to make me cry. that some people are going to leave a gaping hole in my chest, left to fester. i didn't know that one day that certain topics were going to make me cry. that certain faces were going to leave me bawling. i didn't know that one day people were going to walk out of my life because they turned out wrong. i didn't know people were going to walk out at all. i didn't know that one day i'm going to be left alone to think about who i was, because back then i knew who i was, and what i wanted to do.

now i'm lost, and confused. i can say that. the outside shows that i'm happy, and that i'm carefree, but on the inside i know that there's something wrong. i know that i can say that i can keep it hidden, that there's nothing wrong with me. but is there really? i seem like a drama queen, i know. the world revolves around me. but really, i don't think that.

i don't think anyone really knows who i am, even me. i'm striving to find myself, though. and i think i'm finding myself. both on the inside and out.